Are there things in your life that you consciously or unconsciously expect? The answer is most likely yes. From the time we are little, we are raised to expect many things; the house, the marriage, the family, our loved ones will be safe etc. I call these the option A’s.

As we get older we realize that there is no fairy godmother to grant our wishes and fulfill our expectations. This leads to disappointment. In fact those expectations give us a false sense of safety; if I get this then I will be…happy, accepted, secure etc. And so when we do not get the things we banked on, we think “I wont be ok”. This makes us reliant on the external world meeting our vision of security. Instead of our internal world being flexible to adjust to what the external world gives us. The former is fragility and the latter is resilience.

Sheryl Sandberg coins this the “ option A vs option B” scenario in her book, “Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy”. In a moment of complete transparency, a big option A for me is having a family. I really am attached to that being my golden ticket to happiness. But, ironically, in being so attached to having a family, I am missing out on what I do have.

This is option B; what you get, not what you expect.

Life opens up to us when we pivot from option A to option B. When we say to ourselves '“Ok (blank) is off the table, so let me look at what I do get”. Yes, you will have to mourn option A. Give yourself that time to do so. Mourning is an important step in finding closure.

Then the magic begins…option B becomes something you do have. And you can build on it. You can thrive in option B. Try noticing this for yourself.

If you feel you want to know more about how to embrace and thrive in option B, please join me for my upcoming workshop, THE RESILIENT WARRIOR. I will be walking you through how to thrive in times when there is uncertainty or challenge.